Tired of tiredness ?

“Tiredness is for the mind, not the body”, a colleague once told me when we were discussing about the issue of low energy and exhaustion that most people complained about. It made so much sense! Have you noticed, even if the exhaustion is from physical exertion, do we always feel rejuvenated after a period of physical rest (unless it is a good deep sleep)? Not if the mind is working overtime! In the guise of “resting” have you noticed the mind has been busy as ever, trying to rationalize why rest is necessary whilst feeling miserable about not “doing” anything, worrying about work pending, feeling guilty about being “unproductive”, comparing with others and how much they are able to accomplish... at the same time feeling sorry for oneself! The so called “rest” actually leads to more exhaustion.

If we look at the nature of the most exhausting thought patterns, they are mostly about two opposing streams of thought fighting with each other. Conflict is the staple food for the ego. The more we judge ourself or others' behaviour, struggle with choices in life, get caught up with what is “right” and “wrong”, what I/they “should be” or “should not be” doing, the less energy we have. Mind has become a battle field and our vital faculties are like wounded soldiers: weak memory, poor attention and decision-making skills, lack of energy and enthusiasm... Like a leaky pot, we continue to lose vital energy (prana). Prana also gets trapped in our conflicting belief and emotional patterns and the more the Prana gets stuck, the less we have at our disposal. We get caught in a vicious cycle recreating more traps for the Prana, all through life!

How can yoga help resolve these conflicts and release the stuck energy for our daily activities? How can we overcome this kind of exhaustion that is not necessarily coming from any organic cause? Let us not rule out the possibility of such chronic thought/emotional patterns  actually precipitating illnesses in due course, if not dealt with appropriately...

Try this next time you are feeling really tired (in lying or seated position, to start with):   

1. Recognize the familiar thought and its manifestation:

When the mind begins to chant, “I am so... tired/exhausted/burnt out etc.,” whatever way your mind labels that feeling, simply take notice.

Listen to the thought without judging or resisting it. Just listen, with care.

Listening is also about observing what symptoms in the body reflect this thought. “What is happening in my body right now?” Without trying to verbalize the sensations, can you simply observe what is happening in the body? Spend just a couple of minutes on this.

Scan through the whole body to identify those parts that are feeling dense, painful, heavy or irritable. Also those parts where you feel no specific sensation.

On a subjective scale of 0-10, make a note of how tired you are feeling.

Observe your breath: the quality of your breath reflects the actual quality of prana at your disposal. Is the inhalation short? How deep is the exhalation? Are you holding the breath a lot? Where are you feeling the breath in the body?   

2. Allow and surrender:

Allow this tiredness to take over completely. Surrender to it. Mentally tell yourself, “it is OK to feel this tiredness” “I fully allow myself to feel this exhaustion”. Soak yourself into it, feel the heaviness in your body, deep inside your bones.

Let the body become really heavy with this feeling. If you are sitting, place your palms and feet down so that you can completely ground yourself and transfer this heaviness to the earth. If you are lying down, of course surrender your weight to the earth completely, letting go, dropping down...

The mind might still be busy doing its work. With each thought that arises, see it like a wave in the ocean of the body and allow that wave to sink into and merge with the bottom of the ocean. Exhale deeply and completely, allowing all thoughts, sensations to sink into the bottom of this ocean.

Hold your breath a few seconds after the exhalation. Observe the stillness - feel the complete, total surrender to the moment.

By now, you would observe your inhalation has become deeper and longer, moving into the abdomen, indicating that some of the stuck, stale energy has been released, creating more space.   

3. Open and invite fresh energy:

Now focus on the inhalation, breathing into the abdomen (allowing the upper abdomen to expand) and continue to exhale slowly and completely. With each inhalation, you are inviting fresh prana to enter and fill the body. You may also hold your breath for a few seconds after inhalation that helps to build up and consolidate your energy resource.   

4. Move if you like:

Simple opening arm movements, followed by seated or lying twist and a gentle forward bend with deep slow inhalation and exhalation will make a tremendous difference. Let it be intuitive, as you continue to listen to what the body wants.

Go back to your subjective scale and check the level of tiredness now. Has it shifted, even by a few points?

This practice will help us get in touch with some of our deep rooted thought and belief patterns that preoccupy the mind so often. Once we recognise the resistance, we can repeat the same process and release the stuck energy.

So, the next time your mind comes up with the familiar line, simply listen, smile and invite this sensation, surrender to it, let it seep through you, release and let go. Having cleared the clutter, now invite and enjoy the fresh, nascent prana... with each breath...

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”

- The Buddha

Best wishes,

Saras

Transitional Wisdom

Have you ever encountered that moment when an attachment begins to transform into aversion? And do you know potentially, this could be a moment of awakening? Before you slip into another illusion?

It is not uncommon for us to experience the feeling of hurt, let down by the very people on whom we had pinned high hopes, we had so much trust and were emotionally invested in.

When did the transition happen?

That moment, when was it? When did you recognize the nature of the relationship change? From attachment (Raga) to aversion (Dvesa)? The boundaries are quite blurred of course, desire and hate can co-exist, but only one comes up in a given moment, if you noticed carefully.

The symptoms

First, it was the pain, the attachment, expectations and of course, irrational assumptions. When the reality shows something different, the dis-illusionment came - as a sharp gnawing pain deep inside the heart, coursing into the upper chest and throat, tightening and restricting the breath..  Negative thoughts, judgments, anxiety, hopelessness, despair and anger, a whole range of emotions - the face of Dvesa - the division and the opposition, me against the other.

The compulsive desire to run away, withdrawing into a dark hole, the numbness and sometimes sudden spurts of seething anger. What we held so close to the heart was no more important, it has even become toxic!  

What can we do now?

It takes patience and courage to investigate and understand and may take time and diligent practice. We need to ask ourselves if we are willing to enter this process of transformation.

The breath is stuck, somewhere between the chest and throat, as if held down by a huge boulder pressing through the rib cage.

Look carefully, listen, as if waiting for the last breath of a dying person...

Staring into the face of rejection, dark and frowning...

Now the heat is turned on and burning through the throat and skin, wanting to turn and run away

Streams of angry thoughts, of retaliation, the “I don't deserve this” stories...

No wait, listen...

Why drop one burden to pick up a bigger one?

In this very moment, there is scope for transformation, for freedom from the very thing we have been holding on to for so long...

Not just what we are attached or (now) averse to...

But that part of our identity that is being knocked around

that perception of people that was comfortable for us to hold on to

that pain of feeling let down

that need to belong and feel important

that belief that these people will always be there for us

that fear of being left alone...

of losing faith...

And who will we be without all this?

A little part of us - that was attached, fed by 1bpleasure - is dead but before we replace it with the opposite feeling of aversion, let us pause...   

Can we be free from this?

Is it possible for the mind to experience the freedom of choice, not to create another pattern?

Can we simply observe the game the ego indulges in, again and again? Transmuting from Raga to Dvesa, constantly motivated by the need for self-preservation?

Can we look deeply and understand the wisdom beneath this eternal drama?

It might seem impossible in the beginning to stay with the pain, the primary feeling of hurt. It is important to honour it

by observing it, withdraw the mind from its compulsive and convoluted thinking processes.

Again and again and again, breath by breath, drop all judgements, all arguments, all accusations, ALL thoughts.

When the mind clears a bit, we could perhaps look at both these faces more clearly

When we learn to embrace both aspects of our being, the loving and the wrathful faces, perhaps something can shift...

Perhaps we can transcend this cycle...

Just by stepping back and observing, only THAT.

Upeksa... equanimity. The strength of Upeksa can break down the shackles of illusion and free the mind to explore deeper territories of hidden treasures.

Explore for yourself!

Equanimity just looks on and observes, while calmly settled in composed neutrality. It is manifested as the quieting of both resentment and approval.

- Gautama Buddha

Best wishes,
Saras

What we are left with...

I remember, some 6 years ago, while introducing myself to a new group, I shared this: "I am grateful and content". It was a very moving moment for me. Life was not looking very good but there was a deeper understanding that all is well and I am being supported and guided. Looking back to that moment and where I am now, I should say, life has taken several miraculous turns... but have I been in gratitude and contentment all through these years? I ask myself. Of course, the answer is "yes" and "no"!

So what makes this contentment so nebulous? Such a fragile, moving target?

Patanjali refers to Santosa - to be deeply anchored in a space of peace and happiness - as one of the Niyama: personal observances. With Niyama, the reference point is within you, nothing to do with external circumstances. But in all aspects of our life, our reference is externalized and relative, defined based on how we perceive (or are perceived) as better than or worse than others. How do I respond to situations when I receive less that what I think I deserve? How do I react when somebody criticises me when I am expecting them to appreciate?

Patanjali says when established in Santo., one gains the highest level of unparalleled happiness:

"Santosat Anuttamah Sukha Labhah" (YS 2.42)

We all know that the secret formula for happiness is not about acquiring more and more but our attitude towards what we have or don't have. How much we are at peace with our present reality as we perceive it. This "knowing" does not help much does it?

The way to Contentment

In order to understand happiness and contentment, we need to understand the nature of discontent, in whatever area of life it might be manifesting in a given moment. When we look deeply into the nature of discontent, we realise that it is being constantly fed by either our past experience (of what we had and don't have now) or future desire (what we don't have now but want to have it) and invariably supported by comparison with the external reality- other people.

By understanding how discontent manifests right now and dealing with it then and there, we can become empowered to clear this block and achieve peace and contentment quite simply and effortlessly. The process is rather straightforward, requiring only your body and breath and a curious, engaging mind.

How is it manifesting? What is its impact?

When I bring conscious attention to the feeling of discontent. I want to also know how is it impacting my life now

I begin to observe the thoughts, feelings, behaviours, judgements, intentions, my choices in life, how I treat others...

Isee the feeling playing out in every aspect of my life.

Isee that I have actually created a complex web of patterns that are feeding this discontent constantly.

My body and breath

I now sense it in my body, my breath is disturbed...

Body and breath offers the gateway to understanding this block and its pervasive effect on the system. The stronger the sensation, more powerful is the block.

Willingness to let go…

Is the discomfort strong enough for me to want to get out of it? Am I desperate enough?

Am I ready to let go of the attachment to the discontent, to the idea that what is, is not OK?

Can I drop the thoughts NOW? Can I step back from the issue?

Stepping back, breathing out.

Can I breathe in & out... keeping the focus on the exhalation and exhaling through the strong body sensations?

Am I able to drop all the thoughts as they arise using my breath to remind me to simply clear the mind?

Clearing the space within

Am I able to experience some relief? Some space?

Is my breath getting deeper?

Is my body feeling more comfortable?

Anchoring with peace

In this moment, am I able to experience peace? Can I locate myself there, using my breath to anchor myself?

How does it feel right now? With this little experience of peace?

The peace of letting go of all the past and future and ideas of happiness?

What am I left with?

Santosa! Unlimited happiness.

"Love is what is left when you let go of all the things you love"

- (anonymous)

May you experience the highest happiness right now!

Best wishes,

Saras

Off the Beaten Path

In our anatomy physiology class that is part of our therapy training program, Dr. Prasad was talking about changing neural pathways - moving from unconscious incompetent to conscious incompetent to conscious competent to unconscious competent. How wonderful I thought! This is how yoga practice helps us replace old unhealthy habit patterns (Samskara) with new healthy ones. Every neural pathway is essentially a habit, and the more our prang flows through a specific path, the more it deepens the groove, until we get trapped in it, sometimes for eternity! And each one of us develop our own unique combination of such patterns that defines who we are.

For us to change our conditioning - the unwholesome, bothersome habit patterns, we have to go through this process of consciously engaging the energy into a direction that is positive and healthy. Initially, we experience incompetence in sticking to the new pattern (of thought/action/behaviour) and may even slacken and fall back into the old groove. But as we continue to practice this new path, the pram begins to flow more effortlessly and a new groove is created that is tar more efficient and wholesome. Then again, this can become unconscious. When we later recognize a need for change, again the work begins, afresh! This is the story of our life, in all dimensions of our existence!

 And, in this process of conscious change, weds have concerns at each stage.

Firstly, what Is that I want to change? What is giving me constant pain? What about my present reality is causing me discomfort?

Identify these unwholesome patterns and list them out:

Underline the most dominant and bothersome ones in red.

How do these habits affect you in your daily life?

How do you treat yourself or others when this dominates?

How do you treat the world in general?

Am l willing to change?

 Time to consider if you are ready to change this. Let go of the old, well trodden path and explore a new one...

Ask yourself, Am I really ready to let go of this pattern?

You will be surprised to know that very often we are not ready to let go, so this step is important.

Explore the existing path

Before attempting to change the pattern, we try to understand the nature of this old pattern, how it has evolved and what is holding it in place. This understanding can stabilize your mind and help you find strength and clarity to take on the new direction.

Let us say, I am getting disturbed by one particular person - triggered just by the presence of this person. Sometimes all it takes is hearing their name or seeing somebody who resembles that person, causing much tension and unrest. The uncanny ability for the mind to be drawn to specific sensory inputs in the presence of many stimuli, how some people bother us more than others all the time, how we choose to be drawn to or repelled by them more than others in a group?

What is the process of these thoughts? What is the pathway they are taking? What are the past memories - in relation to that person - that are being picked up as the thoughts gather strength and momentum? What are the other judgements, beliefs and past hurts that are being activated in this process? You see how it works? It becomes impossible to isolate the single present experience (of what somebody said or did) from this torrential outburst of reactions. We feel helpless and trapped. It is as if the other person has control over our happiness and peace of mind.

By awareness we are able to observe the whole process. Also being aware of the tendency to get caught up... and learn to step back carefully so as to not disturb the equilibrium of the mind. With practice, this can be done very efficiently.

Insightful understanding

Once we are able to stabilize the mind, it can offer a deeper insight into the nature of the existing pattern. Through this insight, a conscious competent pattern can be created. We may choose to drop the trigger, not react or learn to hold our judgements lightly. And with some consistent effort and discernment, this new pattern can become our second nature - unconscious competent!

One path serves all…

And since it is not humanly possible for us to identify all our negative patterns and replace them, Pataniali says, cultivate just one pattern - nirodha samskara (YS 3.9), a state of mind that is stable and equanimous that is capable of pure non-judgemental awareness. When such stability is established and strengthened, it binds down all the unwholesome patterns and renders them ineffective. This is the purpose of daily meditation.

"You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes everyday - unless you are too busy, then you should sit for an hour." - Old Zen Adage

Best wishes,

Saras