Sunday 1 December 2013

The burning issue

How do I manage my anger? A question many have asked. Anger is a very basic and primal human emotion. When not expressed, managed properly, it can have a devastating impact on ourselves as well as others. Anger is not always a negative emotion, there are powerful positive outcomes when we express our anger appropriately - in a way that supports dharma.
While it is important not to control or repress anger, it is equally important to ensure that we take complete responsibility for our actions coming through anger. Whatever be the expression - slamming doors, withdrawing into silence, shouting at the top of our voice, speaking hurtfully... they are all acts of violence. Let us learn to take responsibility for it and not blame the other ("you made me angry") for our actions.
Heyam: What do I want to avoid?
This is the first step inyoga: the recognition that I am the source of the problem and therefore only I can do something about it. Identifying what is that I want to get rid of? In this case, my expression of anger that hurts me and others and leaves behind many negative repercussions.
There are many strategies for immediate and temporary pacification - drink water, take I 0 take deep breaths, count to ten. go for a walk etc. But it is important to understand the roots of anger so that we can have better control over it and give the emotion its rightful place in our daily life.
What triggers my anger?
The second step is to investigate the trigger points. Be conscious of what makes us angry. Make a note of situations in the recent past that made you feel angry.
It is easier to start with this as we are tuned to external triggers and feel very comfortable blaming outside factors.
What are my thoughts, words and action in this reactive state?
Something like: I feel like punching you hard, I want to say something really nasty to make you hug. I hit my head against the wall... How intense is it - on a scale of Ito 10?
What is happening to my body, my breath?
This is not something we are aware of most of the time because we are quite disconnected from the body. But the breath and the body provide powerful insight into the intensity of the emotion. Observing your breath and body sensations is a good way to create some space before we get into the super-conditioned reactive mode.
It has helped me to just observe what is happening within me, in terms of sensations - tightness in jaws, burning sensation in my throat or abdomen, buzzing in the forehead, tears in my eyes... just observe for a few minutes before you say or do anything.
Breath observation helps to anchor yourself to the body sensations and stay with it, opening out possibilities for moving out of our conditioned pathways.
Hetu: where is this anger coming from?
Your mind will go back conveniently to the external trigger, naturally. Drop it. Come back into yourself and ask yourself again, what makes me feel this anger?
Wait in silence, breathe and observe sensations, wait patiently till the answer comes. You might have to ask several times... You will sometimes be surprised how far back in life this question takes you.
At some point, we might reach the seed of fear. Ask: what is my fear? Because most often anger arises from a strong sense of fear, insecurity. You will get in touch with that.
Once we have understood that the source is from within and has little to do with the current situation/person, there is more clarity.
Hanam: Where do I want to get to?
Recognise the impact of the anger (especially if it is a chronic issue) on your body and breath. Even if you are able to break the habitual reactive tendencies once, you will see that it leaves you with clarity and better control, you realise you are able to deal with this emotion intelligently. You are able to see the emotion and its experience from a space of strength and clarity.
Upayam: What are my tools?
Patanjali offers very many tools through the Yoga Sutra to tide over emotional upheavals that can temporarily cloud the mind. I have personally found breathing with focus on exhalation very effective. Once the mind is calm, it is capable of reflective actions, moving away from the reactive mode.
You may choose to release the thoughts through your everyday asana and pranayama practice. Simple, long deep exhalation can help release and minimise the intensity of the sensations in the body. Now the emotion is really flowing and clearing. Check the intensity after a few minutes of conscious breathing.
I have found that regular practice of asana and pranayama helps reduce reactivity, your threshold goes up! Sometimes you may still have to express anger in a powerful manner - but within you can be very calm, check your pulse rate.
Until you have really understood your anger, taken responsibility for it and done some level of clearing and reached a calmer state of mind, DO NOT ACT. A few minutes of delayed reaction will actually help the earth become a better place to live in!
And, again, from Thich Nhat Hanh:
Just by breathing deeply on your anger, you will calm it. You are being mindful of your anger, not suppressing it... touching it with the energy of mindfulness. You are not denying it at all. When I speak about this to psychotherapists, I have some difficulty. When I say that anger makes us suffer, they take it to mean that anger is something negative to be removed But I always say that anger is an organic thing like love. Anger can become love. Our compost can become a rose. If we know how to take care of our compost... Anger is the same. It can be negative when we do not know how to handle it, but ifwe know how to handle our anger, it can be very positive. We do not need to throw anything away."

Love, Saras

Saturday 1 June 2013

Stillness of the Sky

This happened a few months ago...
“Do you know? Today is the 'International Look at the Sky Day'!” We were in a beautiful park, having had our lunch together and just relaxing after days and days of intense study and activity. How wonderful that we can actually now look at the vast, blue, empty sky and what a gift, there were no clouds, just the bright blue expanse and the glorious sun!
So we lay down in a circle and looked up at the sky...
First of all, it was not easy to just watch the empty sky. We wanted movement, activity. We looked for birds, maybe
an aeroplane will come by? We drew respite from the branches of the tree that provided us shade and some activity to be engaged in...
And can you imagine how many things got projected on to this screen? Thoughts, images, ideas, past memories of similar experience and of course, from time to time, a glimpse of the background - the vast empty sky.
How long we lay there? Sleepy after a good lunch and reluctantly breaking out of the reverie, we sat up to share our experience.
As much as we are caught up with the problems of the ever changing reality of our life and seeking desperately to be free of this constant chaos, just being with stillness seems to be such a big challenge - as experienced by this short “watching the sky” practice. The mind was looking for something to get occupied with or was drifting off into sleep. But just to be awake and alert and simply observe and not “do” anything with this mind seems to be such a big challenge!
Why are we so uncomfortable with stillness?
Why do we take refuge in “doing” something with this mind all the time until it is exhausted and ready to give up everything and shut down? Or most often operate from a semi-awake-sleep mode on an auto-pilot driven by its conditioning?
Sankhya and Yoga explain this as the action of the Gunas: Sattva, Rajas and Tamas. When Sattva dominates, the mind is capable of stillness and clarity, Rajas is responsible for all movement and change, Tamas clouds the mind, makes it more and more indulgent and puts it to sleep. And because the Gunas are constantly alternating, there is very little scope for sustaining Sattva for too long. But there is hope because the mind can be trained to nurture the quality of Sattva.
It will require
  1. Reducing the quality of Tamas in the wakeful state by appropriate food and life style habits.
  2. Controlling the Rajas by disciplined activity and focused engagement.
  3. Enhance Sattva by practices that will strengthen the stillness and clarity of mind.
Through asana, pranayama and pratyahara, with the help of the Yama-Niyama, we primarily try to control Rajas and reduce Tamas. This followed by deeper meditative practices that allow Sattva to surface and establish itself.
Why stillness? What is the purpose of moving beyond the chaotic, conditioned mind?
Like a clear sheet of water or mirror, this stillness reflects the reality of the moment to us without any distortions. We see and understand everything better, we are able to engage in deeper inquiry without getting caught up with the stories of the mind. We are capable of better actions and being the best person we can be.
So, instead of trying to control the mind, judging it, blaming and getting more and more frustrated with its behaviour, can we choose to step beyond all this chaos into the space of silent watching?  
Spending a few minutes everyday in this space of stillness so that we can connect with that unchanging aspect of our self is a very important practice for the mind to be engaged with. It nourishes the mind that is usually fed by it conditioned attachment to rapidly changing realities of life. Perhaps when the mind is nurtured with sensitivity, like the way we take care of our physical body with food, clothing and other material comforts, it has the potential to behave differently.  
The mind draws its nourishment and strength from this experience of stillness and begins to offer us a glimpse of what its true potentials are... capable of reflecting realities with less distortion, offering choices that did not exist for us before, observing a situation or person with less judgement, abiding in peace and joy.
This is what we are capable of, every human being. The potential remains hidden, waiting to be explored...
By the way, the “International Look at the Sky Day” was April 12, and we don't have to wait for another 10 months to do it again! Now is good time. If you don't have access to the sky outside, what about the one within?
Have an expansive, joyful month ahead...

Saras

Wednesday 1 May 2013

Tired of tiredness ?

“Tiredness is for the mind, not the body”, a colleague once told me when we were discussing about the issue of low energy and exhaustion that most people complained about. It made so much sense! Have you noticed, even if the exhaustion is from physical exertion, do we always feel rejuvenated after a period of physical rest (unless it is a good deep sleep)? Not if the mind is working overtime! In the guise of “resting” have you noticed the mind has been busy as ever, trying to rationalize why rest is necessary whilst feeling miserable about not “doing” anything, worrying about work pending, feeling guilty about being “unproductive”, comparing with others and how much they are able to accomplish... at the same time feeling sorry for oneself! The so called “rest” actually leads to more exhaustion.
If we look at the nature of the most exhausting thought patterns, they are mostly about two opposing streams of thought fighting with each other. Conflict is the staple food for the ego. The more we judge ourself or others' behaviour, struggle with choices in life, get caught up with what is “right” and “wrong”, what I/they “should be” or “should not be” doing, the less energy we have. Mind has become a battle field and our vital faculties are like wounded soldiers: weak memory, poor attention and decision-making skills, lack of energy and enthusiasm... Like a leaky pot, we continue to lose vital energy (prana). Prana also gets trapped in our conflicting belief and emotional patterns and the more the Prana gets stuck, the less we have at our disposal. We get caught in a vicious cycle recreating more traps for the Prana, all through life!
How can yoga help resolve these conflicts and release the stuck energy for our daily activities? How can we overcome this kind of exhaustion that is not necessarily coming from any organic cause? Let us not rule out the possibility of such chronic thought/emotional patterns  actually precipitating illnesses in due course, if not dealt with appropriately...
Try this next time you are feeling really tired (in lying or seated position, to start with):   
1. Recognize the familiar thought and its manifestation:
When the mind begins to chant, “I am so... tired/exhausted/burnt out etc.,” whatever way your mind labels that feeling, simply take notice.
Listen to the thought without judging or resisting it. Just listen, with care.
Listening is also about observing what symptoms in the body reflect this thought. “What is happening in my body right now?” Without trying to verbalize the sensations, can you simply observe what is happening in the body? Spend just a couple of minutes on this.
Scan through the whole body to identify those parts that are feeling dense, painful, heavy or irritable. Also those parts where you feel no specific sensation.
On a subjective scale of 0-10, make a note of how tired you are feeling.
Observe your breath: the quality of your breath reflects the actual quality of prana at your disposal. Is the inhalation short? How deep is the exhalation? Are you holding the breath a lot? Where are you feeling the breath in the body?   
2. Allow and surrender:
Allow this tiredness to take over completely. Surrender to it. Mentally tell yourself, “it is OK to feel this tiredness” “I fully allow myself to feel this exhaustion”. Soak yourself into it, feel the heaviness in your body, deep inside your bones.
Let the body become really heavy with this feeling. If you are sitting, place your palms and feet down so that you can completely ground yourself and transfer this heaviness to the earth. If you are lying down, of course surrender your weight to the earth completely, letting go, dropping down...
The mind might still be busy doing its work. With each thought that arises, see it like a wave in the ocean of the body and allow that wave to sink into and merge with the bottom of the ocean. Exhale deeply and completely, allowing all thoughts, sensations to sink into the bottom of this ocean.
Hold your breath a few seconds after the exhalation. Observe the stillness - feel the complete, total surrender to the moment.
By now, you would observe your inhalation has become deeper and longer, moving into the abdomen, indicating that some of the stuck, stale energy has been released, creating more space.   
3. Open and invite fresh energy:
Now focus on the inhalation, breathing into the abdomen (allowing the upper abdomen to expand) and continue to exhale slowly and completely. With each inhalation, you are inviting fresh prana to enter and fill the body. You may also hold your breath for a few seconds after inhalation that helps to build up and consolidate your energy resource.   
4. Move if you like:
Simple opening arm movements, followed by seated or lying twist and a gentle forward bend with deep slow inhalation and exhalation will make a tremendous difference. Let it be intuitive, as you continue to listen to what the body wants.
Go back to your subjective scale and check the level of tiredness now. Has it shifted, even by a few points?
This practice will help us get in touch with some of our deep rooted thought and belief patterns that preoccupy the mind so often. Once we recognise the resistance, we can repeat the same process and release the stuck energy.
So, the next time your mind comes up with the familiar line, simply listen, smile and invite this sensation, surrender to it, let it seep through you, release and let go. Having cleared the clutter, now invite and enjoy the fresh, nascent prana... with each breath...
The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”
- The Buddha
Best wishes,

Saras

Monday 1 April 2013

Transitional Wisdom

Have you ever encountered that moment when an attachment begins to transform into aversion? And do you know potentially, this could be a moment of awakening? Before you slip into another illusion?
It is not uncommon for us to experience the feeling of hurt, let down by the very people on whom we had pinned high hopes, we had so much trust and were emotionally invested in.
When did the transition happen?
That moment, when was it? When did you recognize the nature of the relationship change? From attachment (Raga) to aversion (Dvesa)? The boundaries are quite blurred of course, desire and hate can co-exist, but only one comes up in a given moment, if you noticed carefully.
The symptoms
First, it was the pain, the attachment, expectations and of course, irrational assumptions. When the reality shows something different, the dis-illusionment came - as a sharp gnawing pain deep inside the heart, coursing into the upper chest and throat, tightening and restricting the breath..  Negative thoughts, judgments, anxiety, hopelessness, despair and anger, a whole range of emotions - the face of Dvesa - the division and the opposition, me against the other.
The compulsive desire to run away, withdrawing into a dark hole, the numbness and sometimes sudden spurts of seething anger. What we held so close to the heart was no more important, it has even become toxic!  
What can we do now?
It takes patience and courage to investigate and understand and may take time and diligent practice. We need to ask ourselves if we are willing to enter this process of transformation.
The breath is stuck, somewhere between the chest and throat, as if held down by a huge boulder pressing through the rib cage.
Look carefully, listen, as if waiting for the last breath of a dying person...
Staring into the face of rejection, dark and frowning...
Now the heat is turned on and burning through the throat and skin, wanting to turn and run away
Streams of angry thoughts, of retaliation, the “I don't deserve this” stories...
No wait, listen...
Why drop one burden to pick up a bigger one?
In this very moment, there is scope for transformation, for freedom from the very thing we have been holding on to for so long...
Not just what we are attached or (now) averse to...
But that part of our identity that is being knocked around
that perception of people that was comfortable for us to hold on to
that pain of feeling let down
that need to belong and feel important
that belief that these people will always be there for us
that fear of being left alone...
of losing faith...
And who will we be without all this?
A little part of us - that was attached, fed by 1bpleasure - is dead but before we replace it with the opposite feeling of aversion, let us pause...   
Can we be free from this?
Is it possible for the mind to experience the freedom of choice, not to create another pattern?
Can we simply observe the game the ego indulges in, again and again? Transmuting from Raga to Dvesa, constantly motivated by the need for self-preservation?
Can we look deeply and understand the wisdom beneath this eternal drama?
It might seem impossible in the beginning to stay with the pain, the primary feeling of hurt. It is important to honour it
by observing it, withdraw the mind from its compulsive and convoluted thinking processes.
Again and again and again, breath by breath, drop all judgements, all arguments, all accusations, ALL thoughts.
When the mind clears a bit, we could perhaps look at both these faces more clearly
When we learn to embrace both aspects of our being, the loving and the wrathful faces, perhaps something can shift...
Perhaps we can transcend this cycle...
Just by stepping back and observing, only THAT.
Upeksa... equanimity. The strength of Upeksa can break down the shackles of illusion and free the mind to explore deeper territories of hidden treasures.
Explore for yourself!
Equanimity just looks on and observes, while calmly settled in composed neutrality. It is manifested as the quieting of both resentment and approval.
- Gautama Buddha


Best wishes,
Saras

Friday 1 March 2013

What we are left with...

I remember, some 6 years ago, while introducing myself to a new group, I shared this: "I am grateful and content". It was a very moving moment for me. Life was not looking very good but there was a deeper understanding that all is well and I am being supported and guided. Looking back to that moment and where I am now, I should say, life has taken several miraculous turns... but have I been in gratitude and contentment all through these years? I ask myself. Of course, the answer is "yes" and "no"!


So what makes this contentment so nebulous? Such a fragile, moving target?

Patanjali refers to Santosa - to be deeply anchored in a space of peace and happiness - as one of the Niyama: personal observances. With Niyama, the reference point is within you, nothing to do with external circumstances. But in all aspects of our life, our reference is externalized and relative, defined based on how we perceive (or are perceived) as better than or worse than others. How do I respond to situations when I receive less that what I think I deserve? How do I react when somebody criticises me when I am expecting them to appreciate?

Patanjali says when established in Santo., one gains the highest level of unparalleled happiness:
"Santosat Anuttamah Sukha Labhah" (YS 2.42)

We all know that the secret formula for happiness is not about acquiring more and more but our attitude towards what we have or don't have. How much we are at peace with our present reality as we perceive it. This "knowing" does not help much does it?


The way to Contentment

In order to understand happiness and contentment, we need to understand the nature of discontent, in whatever area of life it might be manifesting in a given moment. When we look deeply into the nature of discontent, we realise that it is being constantly fed by either our past experience (of what we had and don't have now) or future desire (what we don't have now but want to have it) and invariably supported by comparison with the external reality- other people.
By understanding how discontent manifests right now and dealing with it then and there, we can become empowered to clear this block and achieve peace and contentment quite simply and effortlessly. The process is rather straightforward, requiring only your body and breath and a curious, engaging mind.

How is it manifesting? What is its impact?

When I bring conscious attention to the feeling of discontent. I want to also know how is it impacting my life now
I begin to observe the thoughts, feelings, behaviours, judgements, intentions, my choices in life, how I treat others...
Isee the feeling playing out in every aspect of my life.
Isee that I have actually created a complex web of patterns that are feeding this discontent constantly.

My body and breath

I now sense it in my body, my breath is disturbed...
Body and breath offers the gateway to understanding this block and its pervasive effect on the system. The stronger the sensation, more powerful is the block.

Willingness to let go

Is the discomfort strong enough for me to want to get out of it? Am I desperate enough?
Am I ready to let go of the attachment to the discontent, to the idea that what is, is not OK?
Can I drop the thoughts NOW? Can I step back from the issue?

Stepping back, breathing out.

Can I breathe in & out... keeping the focus on the exhalation and exhaling through the strong body sensations?
Am I able to drop all the thoughts as they arise using my breath to remind me to simply clear the mind?

Clearing the space within

Am I able to experience some relief? Some space?
Is my breath getting deeper?
Is my body feeling more comfortable?

Anchoring with peace

In this moment, am I able to experience peace? Can I locate myself there, using my breath to anchor myself?
How does it feel right now? With this little experience of peace?
The peace of letting go of all the past and future and ideas of happiness?
What am I left with?
Santosa! Unlimited happiness.


"Love is what is left when you let go of all the things you love"
- (anonymous)

May you experience the highest happiness right now!

Best wishes,


Saras