How much have you understood your spouse/partner or close friend? Do you really know? We believe we know the person quite well. But often their action or reaction takes us by surprise. All along, we think we are connecting with the other person, but we are only connecting with our idea, with our projections of them. This is because like everything else about life, we are satisfied with connecting with the gross, that part of reality that reasoning can touch. Beyond the realm of reasoning, how much do we know? Even about ourselves?
In exploring the nature of reality, Patanjali offers a simple but powerful process:
Vitarka Vicara Ananda Asmitarupa Anugamat Samprajnatah (YS 1.17)
The steps towards attaining Samprajnata Samadhi: moving from the gross through reasoning (vitarka) to the subtle through deeper enquiry (vicara) to the experience of bliss (ananda) and finally to the state of .'I am that' (asmitarupa)”
Whatever I seek to understand in life often is limited to the extent of vitarka. I begin with engaging with the gross aspect of a reality - that which is tangible and measurable, that which always has a reference point for comparison, where there is scope for endless arguments. Since I have not had the courage to let go of the reasoning mind in order to explore the subtle dimensions, I am left impoverished and limited! Vicara - deeper reflection and enquiry, if sustained, leads to the experience of pure joy (Aananda). This engagement and the wisdom that arises from it has the power to transform me, I become that.
If we were to apply this idea in our daily practice of Asana & Pranayama:
Explore what occupies our mind during practice. Do we dwell on the length or intensity of practice? On how we can stretch or bend the body? On the calories we are burning or how good we look in front of the mirror? Are we attached to a particular technique or ratio in pranayama, is our ego identified with how long we can hold the breath in practice?
Have we ventured beyond the known, tangible, measurable dimensions of practice? Have we experienced a posture and understood anything about the body that we did not know before? In that moment of understanding, did we have a glimpse of the joy and have we been able to integrate this new wisdom, has this experience changed something significant about us?
Try this next time on your mat:
Let go of your obsession with form and techniques.
Breathe in and out gently, navigating your attention through the body.
Drop all thoughts, all judgements, coming back to the body awareness and the breath, again and again...
Become the posture.
Listen with your whole being.
If we were to bring this exercise into our relationships that we struggle with all the time:
Is it possible to go beyond the polarities of the ego-mind and experience something, even for a short while from a more subtle, deeper location?
Can we connect with that part of the other person beyond the gross, beyond what the rational mind can grasp?
Can we choose to move into the uncharted pathways of the heart?
In silence, listening carefully, observing without judgment, touching the most subtle, staying with the feelings?
What happens when the mind penetrates the layers of conflict to touch the essence of our being? There is an experience of pure joy (Ananda), the bliss that pervades our whole being. Have you experienced this joy with nature, even if momentarily? With your pet? With your little ones? With music or any form of art?
Then why can't we touch the subtle in some of our daily activities, our crucial relationships? With people who matter, we genuinely care for? Why are we not able to sustain this depth of feeling and experience?
Even a glimpse of such an experience can re-configure our identity, our sense of self. Maybe the relationship will never be the same again, maybe there will emerge an opportunity for freshness and beauty.
Maybe this deeper change will help us view the world differently, relate to people and experiences differently. Maybe, we will then be less swayed by our attachments, aversions and fear.
Try this once in a while...
Choose one relationship in your life (which is important but not too difficult to begin with).
When you speak, speak your truth with great care and compassion.
Listen and observe with a quiet mind, beyond the apparent words spoken, beyond the emotions, gestures...
Recognize judgements and gently drop them, before they can settle down in your mind.
Defer reactions, at least for the time being
Be sensitive, stay, just be...
Can you feel what they maybe feeling?
A gentle touch, a caring smile, an expansive silence that can embrace the other, as they are, without any reservations.
Letting our ego drop for the moment.
Observe how you feel...
A very important question arises: “How can we do this with somebody who cannot understand or relate to all this?”
Well... Welcome back to Vitarka!
“Now here is my secret, very simply: you can only see things clearly with your heart.
What is essential is invisible to the eye.”
- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince
Best wishes,
Saras
