The choices we make…

There is always a better choice, even when we want to believe there is none. And when this choice is exercised, it can be both empowering and liberating. This month's issue is about looking at why we make the choices we make and how it matters. Of course, when in doubt, ask Patanjali, seek out the wisdom from the Yoga Sutra.

We are often torn between several alternatives to be considered while engaging in an action. Whether it is picking up food off a supermarket shelf or choosing the kind of education for your children or a system of medicine or the kind of yoga class you want to go… window-shopping, nibbling here and there, has become a way of life for most of us. The end result is that we are not really clear about what we really want out of life, more confusion, more advice, more choices… leaving us always wanting, unhappy and discontent.

The next time a “what” pops up, consider asking yourself “why?” and ”how?”

The why behind our actions   The “why” will clarify our intentions. There maybe an apparent pretty intention that we are often stuck with. Dig deeper to locate what drives this action. Is it my fear and insecurity? My attachment to a particular outcome? How is my sense-of-self identifying with this action? How strongly am I invested in what is to come out of this action?

When we are able to recognize the deeper intention behind the action, it can help us at two levels:

• take responsibility for the action, knowing fully well where it is coming from.
• we could choose to refine the intention before the action. This can also be done in retrospective so that we can refine in future to avoid or minimize future suffering.

Refining intention is about really making the right choice. At this level there are only two choices.

• allow the action to be driven by our pleasure seeking, pain avoidance tendency – this is often compulsive, unconscious, conditioned and has its own momentum.
• Stop and ask why I want to do it? How does it serve me?

This could be about a simple innocent act of reaching out to a second helping of that delicious dessert or about wanting to thrash out at somebody over phone, sms, email or in your own head!

The wisdom behind the why of an action is answered beautifully in the Yoga Sutra of Patanjali. (YS Chapter 2.18)

Nature (mind, body and the entire material reality) exists to serve the Self (the Consciousness) in two areas of fulfillment:

• Bhoga: for worldly experience (that is constantly driven by pleasure seeking, pain avoiding tendencies)
• Apavarga: for freedom from suffering; the path of discernment, towards finding your true nature.

So, let us ask ourselves why we want to do an action, is it to further our own suffering by feeding our attachments, aversions, fear and the ego's need to constantly protect itself or do we want to do it to free ourselves from such conditioning, from suffering? Do we want to get stuck or unstuck?

And if there is clarity, naturally we only want to do what will take us away from suffering, right? Instead of perpetuating suffering through our actions, however innocuous they may seem.

The how of an action   Then essentially there is only one choice, to free the mind, to move towards greater freedom from suffering. And for that we need to bring in the attitude of reverence and service. When enumerating the qualities of Abhyasa (effort/practice) in the Yoga Sutra, Patanjali calls it “aasevitah” – let it come from a space of reverence.

Serving our Self also includes serving the other, the other only being a reflection of us. We are so inseparably interconnected with the entire humanity, the entire universe. Whatever we do has a repercussion on the people around us, our environment and the world at large.  Every flower, leaf, blade of grass, a bumble bee, a broken twig… everything exists to serve each other, has served, is serving or is getting ready to serve in some way. This includes our body, mind and all our resources, including our vital energy, prana that is at our disposal any given moment.

Daily Wisdom

Let us take a few minutes to explore this idea in the context of everyday life to see what it means to us at this point of time, focusing on specific areas of life where constant choices have to be made and consequences dealt with:

How may I serve my body better?

So that everything I do for my body and with my body will take me to better health and inner harmony. Then perhaps, instead of indulging or punishing my body, I will choose to treat it with reverence as it is my instrument for spiritual progress.

How may I serve my mind?

So that instead of feeding the compulsive tendencies of the ego, I can get my ego to serve a higher purpose. I may then choose to question my resistances and reactivity to find a better way of being.

How can I serve my prana?

So that I can choose silence and mindful actions instead of empty chatter and wasteful, dispersed actions that dissipates my prana. So that I can clear my physical, mental, emotional blocks that leave my prana stuck and unavailable.

How can I serve my relationships, the people around me?

So that I can receive and offer with gratitude, enable my own growth and generate peace and harmony in my environment.

How can I work better?

So that my work can be my way to freedom from suffering, my work can help me find more clarity and joy. So that my work can be my service to humanity and world at large..

How can I serve my spiritual growth?

So that everything I do takes me to a better space, towards less conditioned actions, towards more stability and centredness. Actions at this level become means to serve to the Highest Intelligence that operates through this Universe, through each individual being, that Patanjali calls Isvara Pranidhana (YS 2.1)

And so, if we are seeking to evolve, to grow spiritually, there is essentially no choice. There is only one way, the intelligent way, the way to empowerment and real freedom.

Call it the way of Yoga or the way of the Tao…

Can you sense your dependence?

“I cannot stop myself from reaching out to a chocolate when I am depressed”.

“When I am angry, I eat a LOT!”

“Why do I always want to eat, I don’t understand!”

The majority of mankind, at least in the “civilized world” live enslaved by senses. They rule our choices, constantly propelling actions seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. All our habits, relating to sense satisfaction are created and sustained by these inherent opposing energies and for most of the time seem beyond control.

The forgotten limb: Pratyahara   There is one limb of Astanga yoga (the eight limbs of yoga) that is often forgotten or ignored, lying almost invisible on the threshold between external (bahiranga) and internal practices (antaranga) - Pratyahara. Even though classified as bahiranga sadhana by Patanjali (Yoga Sutra 3.7), it is a very subtle dimension that is often taken for granted or understood rather poorly. But we do know from experience that without controlling the sense organs, it is not possible to progress towards deeper meditative practices. In our attempt to meditate, we are still struggling to concentrate with the distractions caused by sense organs. Since the mind (manas) is so intimately connected with the senses and is transacting through them, it is also considered a sense organ. Until the mind is stabilized and senses are controlled by this mind, meditation remains just an idea.

The role of senses   Senses are the windows to the mind, bringing in a myriad of experiences that the mind learns to interpret and respond/react. Each of the five senses work in tandem creating a complete experience. We see, smell, feel, taste and hear. And these faculties are strongly conditioned by our constitutional tendencies, family, regional and socio-cultural factors. I was in a bus with a group of student volunteers from the west, who were going back to their country after a few weeks in India. Everybody was fantasizing about food, “the first thing I will have is good bread, bacon and real burgers”. I smiled as I listened, remembering my first trip abroad and how I craved for ‘curd-rice and pickles’!

To develop healthy control over the senses, we need to understand how they work. The Sankhya philosophy (that offers the philosophical foundation for understanding yoga) provides a beautiful perspective that is also reflected in many sutras of Patanjali.

Since the role of senses is an extensive subject in itself, let us just look at our food cravings as an example to understand how they operate.

I draw inspiration from the sutra on sense control (Yoga Sutra 3.47) that talks about reflecting on the process of moving from the gross to the subtle.

Sense reflections   Take a specific food craving that has been bothering you for sometime, making you feel powerless and leaving you feeling guilty whenever you have indulged. It is very important to accept that this attachment is affecting your health and well-being. It is no longer an idea in the head like “chocolate is bad for me”, “I should not be eating this so much”. Develop a strong conviction to overcome the desire.

Grahana: the process of grasping the sense object.

What draws me towards this food? Become aware of the combination of sensory inputs that draw from memory the near-complete experience of the food in your mind. As you read this, you can picture the food, smell it, even taste it and salivate… without the food actually being there. See the power?

Grahana also is your mind (manas) that is locked up with the sense organs and follows them obediently.

Where is my prana flowing? What am I seeking to experience?

Svarupa: the essence or form of the respective organs.

The inherent nature of the eyes, that see and remember, the olfactory senses that have captured the aroma and bring them back, the taste buds that can relive a taste to near perfection, the textures you can feel.

Deconstructing the process: learning to separate each of their actions as individual patterns of prana flow in the direction of the object of craving. See it happen the next time you think of the food/are tempted by it.

How are my senses conditioned and how are they operating in tandem?

Asmita: the ego-indentity.

The ego identifies strongly with our personal likes and dislikes. Some people do not like sweets and love bitter coffee and I can’t seem to understand how! We are constitutionally programmed, conditioned by life experiences and social, cultural and family food habits. And when this identification is strong, it becomes difficult to resist. We feel so deprived, almost like a victim when we don’t allow ourselves to indulge. Sometimes it is a strong emotional reaction to an experience of illness or identification with a principle or value that has re-condition the senses.

Separate yourself from the food and see the individual thought process identifying with it.

What part of “me” is invested in this experience?

Anvaya: the inherent quality that is common to all the senses.

A more subtle undercurrent that encompasses the action of all senses is the gunas. The sense organs are dominated by Sattva (clarity) and Rajas (activity). And when tamas is not far behind it makes the mind and the senses very indulgent. Be aware of what quality is dominating the mind at that moment. Are you very hungry? We do know that deprivation and physiological need induces more rajas, so also any strong emotional experience. When rajas or tamas dominate the mind, there is not much choice left. Sense satisfaction compensates for deprivation at other levels. And it actually feels good… at least for some time!

Conversely when the mind is more stable and clear (sattva domination), it is possible to create a healthy control without the sense of feeling deprived, without any repression. There is no inherent conflict in that moment, and we have won over.

What is my state of mind?

Arthavattva Samyamat: directing the meditative process towards the purposefulness of these.

Reflecting on the purpose of each action and experience, what it serves versus what it is meant to serve. Are we eating to live or living to eat? Is this action going to lead me to better clarity and peace or drive me into more pain and misery?

What is the purpose of this action? How does it serve me?

Indriya Jayah: Mastery of senses, what we are seeking to establish.

This sutra is essentially talking about deconstructing the entire process of sensory action, moving from the gross to the subtle, from the obvious to the underlying forces. A simple meditative practice can help to understand each step of this process that when applied in a particular situation, can then be translated to many such situations. Of course, staying with one process long enough to find clarity and strength is very important – samyama is a deeper, all encompassing disciplining of the mind and senses.

Try it, it can be a deeply liberating experience.

Best wishes,
Saras

Dealing with Depression

I was at a stationery store recently when suddenly the smell of pencils and scented erasers suddenly brought back long lost memories from almost 4 decades ago. Mixed feelings of excitement and mostly fear engulfed me - my memories of my early years in school - having been a very timid, fearful, lonely child!

Just like even a faint smell can trigger deep-seated memories, when we revisit a particular state of mind, most memories corresponding to it surface and begin to dominate the mind.

“No way I can do it”, “I just don’t have the confidence”, “I feel so unworthy”, “This is beyond my abilities”… An otherwise confident and positive person is now gripped by fear and uncertainty. one can’t but believe these thoughts and we are mostly frozen by fear leading to inactivity. Reassurance from others is mostly met with passive resignation or a belief that the other person does not really understand.

This world is quite familiar for most of us. When we are low or depressed,  no happy thoughts/memories can come up. Even an otherwise neutral situation is seen in the most unpleasant light. Worse still, we identify with these thoughts and act upon them, displaying unreasonable emotional reactions to people/situations etc. These reactions leave behind a very unpleasant taste, perpetuating more guilt, regret, pain and anger…

Our thoughts and our reactions to them define the substance of our life. They have the ability to perpetuate a pattern of thinking, action, behaviour that eventually can create a physical reality – be it ill-health, poor outcome of an initiative/effort or extended periods of emptiness and frustration.

What can we do about these thoughts?

Be aware The first step is to become acutely aware of the contents of the mind. It appears a daunting task, considering we have around 60,000 thoughts a day! But many of them are repetitive, having a set pattern of emotions, reactions and behaviours to go with them that are easily recognizable.

Observe Choose to simply step back and observe – one complete thought – without pushing it away or getting attached to it. Simply observe. Objective awareness of the thought, just like objective awareness of the body and breath, can come from training and this is what we are trained to do through regular practice of asana, pranayama and meditation. Through this observation, we can stall actions or choose to act differently when we recognize that it is the state of mind that makes us think/act this way. Don’t take the mind too seriously.

Counter inertia In countering depression it is very important to have physical activity (which is very important for activating the quality of Rajas in the body). If the mind tells you “I can’t do it, I have no energy or motivation left, impossible”, it is so convenient to believe these thoughts and lay back in bed. But if we observe and listen to these thoughts with neutrality and do not believe them, we might leave a small window open for possibilities. Engage in some physical movement, maybe a short walk or tiding your room.

You don’t have to do everything given in the yoga practice sheet. Just start somewhere - with your favourite posture and do it dynamically a few times with breathing in and out strongly. At the end of a few movements, you will have the energy for the next posture, and then the next… take each step as it comes instead of imagining you have to do a 30 minute long practice! Practice anytime of the day, except just after a meal.

Simple movements coordinated with breathing in the home while doing chores or a few stretches before you get off bed are excellent inertia-breakers.

For the teacher/therapist: A few Do’s and Don’ts

Keep it short initially as the complaint often is of low energy and lack of motivation. Keep it dynamic and creative yet simple enough to remember and practise. Using active sounds – chanting in the place of exhalation to engage the mind. This enables better breathing. Sounds such as Ha and Ra activates the diaphragm and abdomen emptying heavy energy in the lower abdomen and facilitates inhalation. The vibrations of sound in the throat can activate the Udana vayu and uplift the person, improving morale and motivation. Chanting helps drown the chatter of the mind, thereby freeing one’s attention to focus on the present. Try Brhmana practice hold the breath after inhalation from 3-8 seconds progressively - this activates the mind and body. Choose opening postures where the heart centre (centre of the chest) is free to open and expand. Vary the practice from standing to lying to seated to kneeling, encouraging active physical movement from one position to the next in a harmonious manner. Visualization can help build energy, engage the mind in a very specific process to counter the auto-pilot negative thought process. Encourage physical exercise walking, gardening, swimming…

Avoid kapalabhati or forced breathing techniques because it may churn up the mind and the person may tip into a downward spiral. Avoid extended periods of stay in a posture as that gives the mind a space to return to negative thought patterns. Avoid seated meditation with eyes closed for the same reasons; especially for a beginner. Avoid too much advice, the mind has its own way to filter what it wants to hear.

There is a Sasnkrit saying - Yuddha Kale Sastraabhyaasam – meaning you  cannot train to use a weapon in the middle of a war. In this case, if we train our mind when in a neutral state, we will be armed to tackle a depressed state.

The Fear of Healing

“Just for a moment, close your eyes and visualize yourself fully healed, completely free from this nagging back pain.” I was asking a student who has been suffering from chronic back pain for many, many years. She has been trying all kinds of treatment and is a sincere practitioner of yoga. Yet, progress has been frustratingly slow. She closed her eyes… just a few seconds… and shuddered ! “What is the thought?” “No, I don't think I want that to happen” she surprised herself when she said that. “Here I am trying everything under the sun to heal my back but I am also scared of healing?”


The fear of illness is one thing. We can sometimes get paranoid about falling seriously sick – ourselves or our loved ones. It happened to me and stayed for quite a while after I lost my sister very suddenly. But what about the fear of healing? How much are we aware of this strong pattern that then does not allow the body to open up to any form of treatment or therapy because the body does not feel “safe” to heal?


The Pattern of illness 

It is true that illness, like everything else about ourself, can become a conditioning (Samskara). The longer we stay with it, the more deep rooted it becomes. And quite unconsciously and sometimes even consciously, we get so attached to this habit, of falling sick, being ill, wallowing in the pain, enjoying the attention and allowances people give us. Soon this becomes so “normal” that we forget what it is to be normal. As a child I remember we had a neighbour who suffered from arthritis. She would always sit in her verandah and get hold of anybody passing by and start complaining about her pain, and she will go on and on... I have never heard her talk about anything else. We then learnt to dodge her and quickly, quietly pass by without getting caught!

“If I am healed, it will mean I have to now live up to the expectations of my parents who have always pinned high hopes on me as a high achiever, until I fell sick. I don't think I want to be working so hard all the time, maybe that's why I am stuck with this pain for so long!”

I have been there and know exactly how addictive it can be! We begin to develop a whole lot of subsidiary patterns that hold the illness in place, make sure it gets more complicated to deal with. Even our relationships and our sense of self in relation to others, our work and the world at large gets substantially redefined.


Be aware when illness begins to re-shape your sense of self

For a long time I did not understand why I was getting reactive and irritated when people enquired after my health. Whether they said “you are not looking OK” or “you are looking just fine”, I would get equally irritated! What an interesting paradox? My sense of self was now struggling with 2 identities: “not looking OK”. “looking OK”. It is then I began to wonder what this is all about.

Though reactivity or defensiveness does not help healing or the relationship (we carry so much anger and bitterness because truly, the “other” can never fully understand what we are going through), when we recognize our resistance and defensiveness, we have hit the key to deeper healing.


Recognizing Resistance 

The key to deeper healing With yoga, especially working with chronic issues, beyond the techniques and tools we need to be aware of the deeper patterns that are unwholesome and unproductive. Resistance to change is often the first red flag. Everytime I get defensive and say “you have no idea what I am going through” or ”I don't want your sympathy”, I address that pattern which traps our energy, vitality and motivation to heal. This helps get past stagnation and regression. Thus begins the process of reclaiming wholeness.


Reclaiming Wholeness 

When I talk about healing, I am not referring to the conventional idea of getting rid of the symptoms of an illness. Healing is about moving towards wholeness. It is about delving deep to find the missing part – the fragmented part of myself – my ego. When I accept “feeling OK” and “not feeling OK” as two parts of the same self, and learn to embrace them, the division disappears, and wholeness is reclaimed. Then healing happens effortlessly with body and breath working in harmony.


The Harmonizing Tool 

Yoga offers simple tools using the body and breath to facilitate this inner journey. Wherein the mind directs the action and remains an active witness, the breath guides awareness to deeper and subtler parts of our body, the battle-field of our fragmented self. When prana (vital energy) is infused, harmony is restored and toxins flushed out. The body and breath can harness the most powerful and intelligent resource - the Prana, to heal through calming the inner conflict and recognizing this wholeness.


Most often it is Fear that causes the defenses to come up.

“Fear is a very complex business, as ancient as the hills, ancient as humankind, and it has a very extraordinary story to tell. But you must know the art of listening to it, and there is great beauty in that listening. There is only listening and the story does not exist.”

- J Krishnamurthy, From The Whole Movement of Life is Learning 

- Saras

Sounds of Silence

Sounds of silence

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1. Energy traps in the neck-throat region
2. The role of Udana Vayu
3. Study the pattern
4. Techniques to reclaim the Udana Vayu
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“I don’t understand how I get these rashes only around my throat. This has been extremely bothersome and embarrassing. How to get rid of it?” 

“There is constant persistent cough, can’t speak more than a sentence without being interrupted by the cough” 


How much of what we think and feel is actually communicated and how much is left unsaid, unexpressed or even unacknowledged to ourselves? With so many real and imagined barriers to self-expression, the neck and throat have become the seats for many illnesses and imbalances. Thus, the prana – specifically the Udana Vayu – gets trapped. 

When was the last time you felt a strong emotion of pain, anger, fear and held it not knowing how to get past it, not having the courage to face it, feared the consequences of expressing it to the person concerned? The next time you feel it, try to see how it is precipitating in the body, how it is playing itself out in your system. Anything from persistent cough to allergies to stiffness and pain, hormonal imbalances… 

The site of the symptom is a vital piece of information, are you listening?

The Udana Vayu that has its seat in the throat is the uplifting energy. 
To hold the head high in confidence and courage requires the Udana Vayu to be strong, we can then express ourselves with clarity and conviction. Yoga Sutra talks about mastery of the Udana Vayu in the 3rd chapter (Yoga Sutra III.39), indicating that it can confer lightness of body so that we can walk on water, quick sand and thorns and actually levitate! Well, if not levitate the least we would desire is clarity of thought and expression. Free of imagined consequences of our actions. 

Of course, it might not be prudent to always speak our mind. So there is constant conflict, what to say, how much to say and what not to say… The throat becomes the battlefield, trapping and depleting the Udana Vayu. Stooping shoulders, stiff neck, tightness in the chest with shallow upper-chest breathing - clearly the Udana is affected.

So whenever you experience a conflict in communication, observe the sensations in the throat. Most often these are well rehearsed plots, conditioned responses/reactions that are on auto-pilot. That is why the body has now taken over the job of indicating something is wrong – through physical symptoms and imbalances. 
Here’s what you can try: 

Study the pattern


Choose just one relationship in your life that is significant for you and observe next time what you are saying and not saying. Usually what is unconsciously (or consciously) withheld is some aspect of our feelings that we do not identify with our sense of self. For example, I may be feeling very angry and hurt by the way somebody is talking to me or treating me but I may not acknowledge or express it (even to myself) because I believe it is “not OK” to feel it. It is not what I would expect out of myself. The ego has created its own trap, and the prana is stuck! 

The next time this happens, observe your sensation in the body, specifically around your neck and throat.

Hold your attention there and just for yourself, acknowledge and accept your feeling, validate it for what it is. 

Observe the various ways and methods that you cover it up, deny, deflect or suppress it, these are often conditioned reactions or responses. 

Where is this coming from? 

Usually most of this comes from fear, when you get in touch with the seed of fear, enter it, breathe into it and slowly release it. 

It is certainly not easy as sometimes this whole process of acknowledging and staying with the seed of pain is intolerable. But having said that, the process of undoing the knots is itself quite simple and straightforward. 

Techniques to the rescue 
Your daily asana, pranayama, chanting practice can be great avenues for unlocking and releasing the Udana Vayu.

Ujjayi
Making a gentle restriction in the throat that creates a soft hissing sound as you inhale and exhale. Even if you just worked with extending your breath, making it longer and longer, there is a natural restriction created at your throat that can then guide your mind to stay focused. Note: Ujjayi has to be soft and subtle, just for you to hear and be guided. 

Try breathing in from the front of the throat and breathing out through the back of your throat, touching deeper and subtler parts of the throat passage. 

When the sound is subtle, the control over the breath is better. 

It also means your mind has to be so quiet to listen to the breath, so naturally we come into the present moment, releasing ourselves from past and future. 

As we extend the inhalation and exhalation, we are able to work through the blocks in a very gentle manner and release the prana. 

Gentle neck movements – extension, flexion and axial twisting movements along with arm/body movements will allow for better opening and release. 

Sitali pranayama (inhaling through tongue curled up on the sides to form a tube, raising the head simultaneously and breathing out through nostrils lowering the head) is a beautiful technique that can help us release so much of tension in the throat and neck region. 

Jalamdhara Bandha – the chin lock position helps to lift the spine up, open up the chest for better breathing and also the restriction at the throat combined with ujjayi breathing in suitable postures and pranayama can intensify the process of burning through the blocks and releasing the prana. 

Chanting as a form of release is a wonderful idea. By this, we are able to transmute all that we have not been able to say/share into something sacred, powerful and liberating. 

This of course, is not the complete list of techniques but only an indication of direction. Even if we do not experience any apparent problems in the neck and throat, we could still benefit from seeing how to deal with conflicts arising from communication and clear it out through everyday practice so that we are not creating more traps for the prana. 

One of the meanings of the word yoga is “Yukti” - intelligent, creative, resourceful application. It is not so much the tool or technique but how and for what purpose we deploy it that matters. The above techniques, when used consciously and in an intelligent manner, can clear the bottlenecks in our daily life effortlessly. 

Just like the farmer clears the weeds and breaks the dam so that water can flow into the fields (Yoga Sutra 4.3), the technique simply opens up the knots and releases the prana that can then lift us up, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually! 

Don't let your throat tighten with fear.
Take sips of breath all day and night,
before death closes your mouth.
- Rumi