Transitional Wisdom

Have you ever encountered that moment when an attachment begins to transform into aversion? And do you know potentially, this could be a moment of awakening? Before you slip into another illusion?

It is not uncommon for us to experience the feeling of hurt, let down by the very people on whom we had pinned high hopes, we had so much trust and were emotionally invested in.

When did the transition happen?

That moment, when was it? When did you recognize the nature of the relationship change? From attachment (Raga) to aversion (Dvesa)? The boundaries are quite blurred of course, desire and hate can co-exist, but only one comes up in a given moment, if you noticed carefully.

The symptoms

First, it was the pain, the attachment, expectations and of course, irrational assumptions. When the reality shows something different, the dis-illusionment came - as a sharp gnawing pain deep inside the heart, coursing into the upper chest and throat, tightening and restricting the breath..  Negative thoughts, judgments, anxiety, hopelessness, despair and anger, a whole range of emotions - the face of Dvesa - the division and the opposition, me against the other.

The compulsive desire to run away, withdrawing into a dark hole, the numbness and sometimes sudden spurts of seething anger. What we held so close to the heart was no more important, it has even become toxic!  

What can we do now?

It takes patience and courage to investigate and understand and may take time and diligent practice. We need to ask ourselves if we are willing to enter this process of transformation.

The breath is stuck, somewhere between the chest and throat, as if held down by a huge boulder pressing through the rib cage.

Look carefully, listen, as if waiting for the last breath of a dying person...

Staring into the face of rejection, dark and frowning...

Now the heat is turned on and burning through the throat and skin, wanting to turn and run away

Streams of angry thoughts, of retaliation, the “I don't deserve this” stories...

No wait, listen...

Why drop one burden to pick up a bigger one?

In this very moment, there is scope for transformation, for freedom from the very thing we have been holding on to for so long...

Not just what we are attached or (now) averse to...

But that part of our identity that is being knocked around

that perception of people that was comfortable for us to hold on to

that pain of feeling let down

that need to belong and feel important

that belief that these people will always be there for us

that fear of being left alone...

of losing faith...

And who will we be without all this?

A little part of us - that was attached, fed by 1bpleasure - is dead but before we replace it with the opposite feeling of aversion, let us pause...   

Can we be free from this?

Is it possible for the mind to experience the freedom of choice, not to create another pattern?

Can we simply observe the game the ego indulges in, again and again? Transmuting from Raga to Dvesa, constantly motivated by the need for self-preservation?

Can we look deeply and understand the wisdom beneath this eternal drama?

It might seem impossible in the beginning to stay with the pain, the primary feeling of hurt. It is important to honour it

by observing it, withdraw the mind from its compulsive and convoluted thinking processes.

Again and again and again, breath by breath, drop all judgements, all arguments, all accusations, ALL thoughts.

When the mind clears a bit, we could perhaps look at both these faces more clearly

When we learn to embrace both aspects of our being, the loving and the wrathful faces, perhaps something can shift...

Perhaps we can transcend this cycle...

Just by stepping back and observing, only THAT.

Upeksa... equanimity. The strength of Upeksa can break down the shackles of illusion and free the mind to explore deeper territories of hidden treasures.

Explore for yourself!

Equanimity just looks on and observes, while calmly settled in composed neutrality. It is manifested as the quieting of both resentment and approval.

- Gautama Buddha

Best wishes,
Saras

What we are left with...

I remember, some 6 years ago, while introducing myself to a new group, I shared this: "I am grateful and content". It was a very moving moment for me. Life was not looking very good but there was a deeper understanding that all is well and I am being supported and guided. Looking back to that moment and where I am now, I should say, life has taken several miraculous turns... but have I been in gratitude and contentment all through these years? I ask myself. Of course, the answer is "yes" and "no"!

So what makes this contentment so nebulous? Such a fragile, moving target?

Patanjali refers to Santosa - to be deeply anchored in a space of peace and happiness - as one of the Niyama: personal observances. With Niyama, the reference point is within you, nothing to do with external circumstances. But in all aspects of our life, our reference is externalized and relative, defined based on how we perceive (or are perceived) as better than or worse than others. How do I respond to situations when I receive less that what I think I deserve? How do I react when somebody criticises me when I am expecting them to appreciate?

Patanjali says when established in Santo., one gains the highest level of unparalleled happiness:

"Santosat Anuttamah Sukha Labhah" (YS 2.42)

We all know that the secret formula for happiness is not about acquiring more and more but our attitude towards what we have or don't have. How much we are at peace with our present reality as we perceive it. This "knowing" does not help much does it?

The way to Contentment

In order to understand happiness and contentment, we need to understand the nature of discontent, in whatever area of life it might be manifesting in a given moment. When we look deeply into the nature of discontent, we realise that it is being constantly fed by either our past experience (of what we had and don't have now) or future desire (what we don't have now but want to have it) and invariably supported by comparison with the external reality- other people.

By understanding how discontent manifests right now and dealing with it then and there, we can become empowered to clear this block and achieve peace and contentment quite simply and effortlessly. The process is rather straightforward, requiring only your body and breath and a curious, engaging mind.

How is it manifesting? What is its impact?

When I bring conscious attention to the feeling of discontent. I want to also know how is it impacting my life now

I begin to observe the thoughts, feelings, behaviours, judgements, intentions, my choices in life, how I treat others...

Isee the feeling playing out in every aspect of my life.

Isee that I have actually created a complex web of patterns that are feeding this discontent constantly.

My body and breath

I now sense it in my body, my breath is disturbed...

Body and breath offers the gateway to understanding this block and its pervasive effect on the system. The stronger the sensation, more powerful is the block.

Willingness to let go…

Is the discomfort strong enough for me to want to get out of it? Am I desperate enough?

Am I ready to let go of the attachment to the discontent, to the idea that what is, is not OK?

Can I drop the thoughts NOW? Can I step back from the issue?

Stepping back, breathing out.

Can I breathe in & out... keeping the focus on the exhalation and exhaling through the strong body sensations?

Am I able to drop all the thoughts as they arise using my breath to remind me to simply clear the mind?

Clearing the space within

Am I able to experience some relief? Some space?

Is my breath getting deeper?

Is my body feeling more comfortable?

Anchoring with peace

In this moment, am I able to experience peace? Can I locate myself there, using my breath to anchor myself?

How does it feel right now? With this little experience of peace?

The peace of letting go of all the past and future and ideas of happiness?

What am I left with?

Santosa! Unlimited happiness.

"Love is what is left when you let go of all the things you love"

- (anonymous)

May you experience the highest happiness right now!

Best wishes,

Saras

Off the Beaten Path

In our anatomy physiology class that is part of our therapy training program, Dr. Prasad was talking about changing neural pathways - moving from unconscious incompetent to conscious incompetent to conscious competent to unconscious competent. How wonderful I thought! This is how yoga practice helps us replace old unhealthy habit patterns (Samskara) with new healthy ones. Every neural pathway is essentially a habit, and the more our prang flows through a specific path, the more it deepens the groove, until we get trapped in it, sometimes for eternity! And each one of us develop our own unique combination of such patterns that defines who we are.

For us to change our conditioning - the unwholesome, bothersome habit patterns, we have to go through this process of consciously engaging the energy into a direction that is positive and healthy. Initially, we experience incompetence in sticking to the new pattern (of thought/action/behaviour) and may even slacken and fall back into the old groove. But as we continue to practice this new path, the pram begins to flow more effortlessly and a new groove is created that is tar more efficient and wholesome. Then again, this can become unconscious. When we later recognize a need for change, again the work begins, afresh! This is the story of our life, in all dimensions of our existence!

 And, in this process of conscious change, weds have concerns at each stage.

Firstly, what Is that I want to change? What is giving me constant pain? What about my present reality is causing me discomfort?

Identify these unwholesome patterns and list them out:

Underline the most dominant and bothersome ones in red.

How do these habits affect you in your daily life?

How do you treat yourself or others when this dominates?

How do you treat the world in general?

Am l willing to change?

 Time to consider if you are ready to change this. Let go of the old, well trodden path and explore a new one...

Ask yourself, Am I really ready to let go of this pattern?

You will be surprised to know that very often we are not ready to let go, so this step is important.

Explore the existing path

Before attempting to change the pattern, we try to understand the nature of this old pattern, how it has evolved and what is holding it in place. This understanding can stabilize your mind and help you find strength and clarity to take on the new direction.

Let us say, I am getting disturbed by one particular person - triggered just by the presence of this person. Sometimes all it takes is hearing their name or seeing somebody who resembles that person, causing much tension and unrest. The uncanny ability for the mind to be drawn to specific sensory inputs in the presence of many stimuli, how some people bother us more than others all the time, how we choose to be drawn to or repelled by them more than others in a group?

What is the process of these thoughts? What is the pathway they are taking? What are the past memories - in relation to that person - that are being picked up as the thoughts gather strength and momentum? What are the other judgements, beliefs and past hurts that are being activated in this process? You see how it works? It becomes impossible to isolate the single present experience (of what somebody said or did) from this torrential outburst of reactions. We feel helpless and trapped. It is as if the other person has control over our happiness and peace of mind.

By awareness we are able to observe the whole process. Also being aware of the tendency to get caught up... and learn to step back carefully so as to not disturb the equilibrium of the mind. With practice, this can be done very efficiently.

Insightful understanding

Once we are able to stabilize the mind, it can offer a deeper insight into the nature of the existing pattern. Through this insight, a conscious competent pattern can be created. We may choose to drop the trigger, not react or learn to hold our judgements lightly. And with some consistent effort and discernment, this new pattern can become our second nature - unconscious competent!

One path serves all…

And since it is not humanly possible for us to identify all our negative patterns and replace them, Pataniali says, cultivate just one pattern - nirodha samskara (YS 3.9), a state of mind that is stable and equanimous that is capable of pure non-judgemental awareness. When such stability is established and strengthened, it binds down all the unwholesome patterns and renders them ineffective. This is the purpose of daily meditation.

"You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes everyday - unless you are too busy, then you should sit for an hour." - Old Zen Adage

Best wishes,

Saras

Journey without Reason

How much have you understood your spouse/partner or close friend? Do you really know? We believe we know the person quite well. But often their action or reaction takes us by surprise. All along, we think we are connecting with the other person, but we are only connecting with our idea, with our projections of them. This is because like everything else about life, we are satisfied with connecting with the gross, that part of reality that reasoning can touch.  Beyond the realm of reasoning, how much do we know? Even about ourselves?

In exploring the nature of reality, Patanjali offers a simple but powerful process:

Vitarka Vicara Ananda Asmitarupa Anugamat Samprajnatah (YS 1.17)

The steps towards attaining Samprajnata Samadhi: moving from the gross through reasoning (vitarka) to the subtle through deeper enquiry (vicara) to the experience of bliss (ananda) and finally to the state of .'I am that' (asmitarupa)”

Whatever I seek to understand in life often is limited to the extent of vitarka. I begin with engaging with the gross aspect of a reality - that which is tangible and measurable, that which always has a reference point for comparison, where there is scope for endless arguments. Since I have not had the courage to let go of the reasoning mind in order to explore the subtle dimensions, I am left impoverished and limited! Vicara - deeper reflection and enquiry, if sustained, leads to the experience of pure joy (Aananda). This engagement and the wisdom that arises from it has the power to transform me, I become that.

If we were to apply this idea in our daily practice of Asana & Pranayama:

Explore what occupies our mind during practice. Do we dwell on the length or intensity of practice? On how we can stretch or bend the body? On the calories we are burning or how good we look in front of the mirror? Are we attached to a particular technique or ratio in pranayama, is our ego identified with how long we can hold the breath in practice?

Have we ventured beyond the known, tangible, measurable dimensions of practice? Have we experienced a posture and understood anything about the body that we did not know before? In that moment of understanding, did we have a glimpse of the joy and have we been able to integrate this new wisdom, has this experience changed something significant about us?

Try this next time on your mat:

Let go of your obsession with form and techniques.

Breathe in and out gently, navigating  your attention through the body.

Drop all thoughts, all judgements, coming back to the body awareness and the breath, again and again...

Become the posture.

Listen with your whole being.

If we were to bring this exercise into our relationships that we struggle with all the time:

Is it possible to go beyond the polarities of the ego-mind and experience something, even for a short while from a more subtle, deeper location?

Can we connect with that part of the other person beyond the gross, beyond what the rational mind can grasp?

Can we choose to move into the uncharted pathways of the heart?

In silence, listening carefully, observing without judgment, touching the most subtle, staying with the feelings?

What happens when the mind penetrates the layers of conflict to touch the essence of our being? There is an experience of pure joy (Ananda), the bliss that pervades our whole being. Have you experienced this joy with nature, even if momentarily? With your pet? With your little ones? With music or any form of art?

Then why  can't we touch the subtle in some of our daily activities, our crucial relationships? With people who matter, we genuinely care for? Why are we not able to sustain this depth of feeling and experience?

Even a glimpse of such an experience can re-configure our identity, our sense of self. Maybe the relationship will never be the same again, maybe there will emerge an opportunity for freshness and beauty.

Maybe this deeper change will help us view the world differently, relate to people and experiences differently. Maybe, we will then be less swayed by our attachments, aversions and fear.  

Try this once in a while...

Choose one relationship in your life (which is important but not too difficult to begin with).

When you speak, speak your truth with great care and compassion.

Listen and observe with a quiet mind, beyond the apparent words spoken, beyond the emotions, gestures...

Recognize judgements and gently drop them, before they can settle down in your mind.

Defer reactions, at least for the time being

Be sensitive, stay, just be...

Can you feel what they maybe feeling?

A gentle touch, a caring smile, an expansive silence that can embrace the other, as they are, without any reservations.

Letting our ego drop for the moment.

Observe how you feel...

A very important question arises: “How can we do this with somebody who cannot understand or relate to all this?”

Well... Welcome back to Vitarka!

“Now here is my secret, very simply: you can only see things clearly with your heart.

What is essential is invisible to the eye.”

- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

Best wishes,

Saras